You might be a liberal if...

This is a public service announcement. We are facing an epidemic in this country, an epidemic of identity crisis. People all over this country have been lying to themselves and others for years, and they have been aided in this lie by the media in this country. These people may be your neighbor, coworker, or even your own mother. Yes, I'm talking about liberals, who claim they are "moderates." Initially, these people lied because of the shame associated with being a liberal, but recently, emboldened by the election of Barack Obama, these people have actually started believing that their nut-job left wing views are mainstream.

How can we help? The first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one. Only then can the healing begin. So, I have devised a 10 question test to determine if you or someone you know is a liberal, posing as a moderate. These are quick, simple yes or no responses. So, without further adieu...

You might be a liberal if...

• you believe the federal government can and should solve all your problems.
• you blame others (such as "the man", George W. Bush, Wal-Mart, etc.) for your personal problems, rather than looking inward and examining your personal shortcomings.
• you believe you are entitled to the "American Dream" without working for it.
• you vote for candidates based on how they look and sound, rather than what they actually say or stand for.
• you believe FoxNews is an evil right-wing news machine, but think the rest of the media is fair and balanced.
• you don't mind higher taxes because 1) you are uber-rich (Warren Buffett, John Kerry), 2) you don't pay them anyway (Tom Daschle, Tim Geitner, 40% of the American People), or 3) you think the government can do better with your money than you.
• you actually care what Susan Sarandon, George Clooney, Barbara Streisand and Ashton Kutcher think about politics.
• you belittled George W. Bush's lack of experience in 2000, yet somehow spun Obama's lack of experience into a good thing in 2008.
• you've ever said "I support the troops, I just don't support their mission."
• you've ever watched a Michael Moore movie and said "Yeah, that makes sense."

Scoring Criteria:

Affirmative on 0 questions --> Congratulations, you are among the smartest people in the country. Also known as conservatives.

Affirmative on 1-2 questions --> Congratulations, you really are a moderate!

Affirmative on 3-4 questions --> You are moderate, but drifting left. Recommend watching Bill O'Reilly to get straightened out.

Affirmative on 5-6 questions --> You are a liberal, but their is still hope for you. Listen to Rush Limbaugh every day for one month.

Affirmative on 7-8 questions --> You are a rock solid liberal. There is no hope for you. Admit the truth so at least you don't have to get beaten in political arguments by your conservative friends.

Affirmative on 9-10 questions --> You are a far left-wing, Michael Moore style liberal. Suggest you start a blog or begin making "documentaries" to cash in on your craziness.

I sincerely hope that this has been informative and helpful. If we can save just one liberal, then we have made a difference.