The Liberal Point of View

All day long I kept hearing about an impending snow storm, and that some areas may receive up to 2 feet of snow. As someone who does not own a snow blower, 2 feet of snow is daunting. We have chosen not to own a snow blower, because my wife doesn't like them. A guy I work with has 2 snow blowers, 1 for clearing the heavy stuff, and a smaller one for cleaning up the lighter stuff. This guy is really happy with his set up, and I am happy for him.

With all the health care debate going on, I got to thinking, how would Barack Obama view this situation with my coworker having 2 snow blowers, while I don't have any snow blowers? Here's how I think it would go.

Obama would see social inequality in this situation. Of course, he wouldn't ask me how I felt, because he is an elitist and he knows what is best for me, even if I disagree with him. He would begin with a campaign-like speech, decrying the inequality in snow blower ownership in this country. He would cite sob stories about poor, disadvantaged people with only shovels, clearing massive amounts of snow, while multi-snow blower fat cats sit back and laugh at the snow blower challenged people.

Next, President Obama would demand a snow blower bailout package, and force the snow blower companies to take the money. He would claim the snow blower bailout had to be done because the snow blower industry is "too big to fail." This bailout would be paid for by tax increases on rich snow blower owners. Of course, since the snow blower companies took bailout money, Obama would fire some executives, because he would essentially be the CEO of the snow blower companies now.

Then he would appoint a snow blower czar to regulate snow blower prices, and punish snow blower companies that make snow blowers too expensive. The czar would, obviously, set pay wages for all snow blower executives and regulate bonus packages.

Finally, Obama would demand Congress get to work on sweeping snow blower reform. But, he wouldn't provide any specifics, so he could "let the legislative process work." After months of back and forth, multiple prime time speeches, and plummeting approval ratings, Obama would get a snow blower reform bill that, while not perfect, meets most of his objectives (which he never actually specified in the first place). This snow blower reform bill would unconstitutionally force all Americans to buy a snow blower, whether they want it or not. But, fear not, tax incentives would be provided for Americans who can't afford a snow blower. And all of this would somehow be "magically" deficit neutral.

The media and Democrat pundits would claim a historic victory for our young, beloved, energetic President. And, I would be stuck buying a snow blower I didn't want or need because a meddlesome government passed a stupid law, all because of a perceived inequality that was never really there.