Wow, did this movie stink! I couldn't believe how bad it was. "Robin Hood" only rates 1.5 stars out of 5, and only gets 1.5 because I didn't shut it off halfway through. I can't believe accomplished actors like Russel Crowe and Cate Blanchett are capable of making a movie that is this bad. There is no flow to the plot, and the characters are very wooden.
Here's how the movie went (semi-spoiler alert):
-I'm Robin and I'm an archer for King Richard on the crusades.
-Oh, King Richard, your crusade is a bad idea.
-Dang, now I'm in the stockades, but I'm going to escape and run off to my own selfish devices.
-Oh, hey dying guy on the road side. What's that? You want me to take your sword to your father? Ok, I'll do a complete 180 on my plan and do that.
-Here I am in Nottingham. Hey dead guy's father, here's your sword. What's that? You want me to pretend to be your son so that when you die Marion gets to keep your land? Ok.
-Marion, we should hang out.
-Now I'm acting like a noble and doing noble things. Guess I better go tell King John why he's screwing up.
-Oh, now I'm back in Nottingham and I saved it from the bad guys. I better tell Marion I love her.
-Off to fight another battle.
-Woohoo, we won the battle and I'm the hero. King John loves me.
-King John declared me an outlaw? Ok, well, I guess we'll go live in the woods with some random kids that showed up 3 times in the movie.
It was like this needed to be a 4 hour movie, but they cut it to 2 hours. This has to be the worst editing job I've ever seen. Skip this movie!
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Instructions for proper reading of this post:
1) watch "Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals" (SNL skit)
http://www.hulu.com/watch/37753/saturday-night-live-mark-wahlberg-talks-to-animals
2) read the post while imagining Mark is reading it out loud.
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